Baby steps.

"Just let go", I've been telling this to myself for the past few days. Nathan is in the phase where he wants to roam around and just grab things and explore. We were at the supermarket one time and he refused to be carried, instead he wanted to be put down so he can walk, assisted syempre. He also refuses now to be held at both hands when walking, gusto niya one-hand assist nalang. And though I'm really proud of this achievement and milestone, I can't help but still feel a bit OA. HAY I really feel that I don't make sense at all pero, ang hirap pala!

Never again, I pray.

I never thought I’d ever write a blog post inside a hospital room.

Nathan got admitted yesterday, after three days of fever and diarrhea. We already went here last Tuesday, just one day after the fever but he was sent home coz he was still bibo and makulit when we got here. Initial diagnosis was amoebiasis. This puzzled me and Bob, since everything Nathan uses is sterilized, and we use distilled water for everything.

Anyway, two days later, Nathan refused to take his milk, if he did, he would spit it out after a few minutes. That prompted me and Bob to bring him to the ER again, and just as suspected, the resident doctor told us he needs to be hydrated thru IV and be given meds thru it as well.  Need I mention that he gave us the scare of our lives when he looked at Nathan’s records and said, “Oh typhoid to ah!” like it was something ordinary.

Nathan was okay pa the first few minutes, then he seemed to sense na they were going to inject him with something na, so he cried! I couldn’t bare to look at him when the nurse was administering his skin test. Hay yung iyak ni Nathan in itself is heartbreaking na. When it was time to put the dextrose, Nathan was screaming already. He looks at me, and then to his Dad, as if crying for help, but there was just nothing we could do at the moment. Ayaw pa ako palapitin kasi ganun daw talaga?

Heartbreaking is seeing your son, barely a year old, with dextrose. Oh poor little hands! I couldn’t imagine how the nurse was able to get it right the first time, but thank God he did coz had he failed, I probably would’ve unleashed the warfreak in me.

It’s now Day 2, and Nathan is feeling a lot better already. I say so coz the first thing he did when he woke up was pinch my nose, haha! He’s very active again and he moves a lot! This morning, we brought the laptop (hence the blogging) and he watched Happy Feet (his favorite movie) kaya ang happy happy niya naman. We brought toys din, and he was so excited to play with it even with just one hand free.

And because he’s feeling better na, ang likot na niya super! Nahuhulog ang puso ko whenever he moves his right hand coz that’s where the dextrose is, and natatakot ako na mamisplace and they have to reinsert. True enough, just at about lunch time, the nurse noticed that Nathan’s hand was a bit swollen, and they decided to take it off. I could imagine in Nathan’s mind, he’s laughing and saying “Aha! My plan worked!”

We’re hoping that Nathan gets discharged today, or at least tomorrow be the last day. Ay grabe, while I was typing this, pumasok ang nurse to say she's going to reinsert his IV. Nooooo! Kawawang Nathan. She couldn't get it right after a few tries kaya ako na nagsabi, please tell the doctor we don't want IV for Nathan anymore. Buti naman pumayag. Dumedede na naman si Nathan and no more vomiting, so I guess it's okay na to remove the IV. Nakakaawa naman kasi to the highest level.

Hayy. I pray never to experience this again.

Thankful.

There are so many things I should be thankful for. God continues to provide us with abundant blessings, sometimes I think more than we deserve, but hey, God knows best. :) It’s been a blessing after the other, and it’s overwhelming talaga.

Pero mababaw lang talaga kaligayahan ko these days. I’m all smiles when at the end of the day, I get to hug Nathan to sleep and he’s okay, walang sakit, walang topak. :) Then Bob can join us and tuck Nathan to bed and we both say how much we love him, ayun na, happy Elay.

Thank you Lord. 

It is good to have money and the things that money can buy, but it’s good too, to check up once in a while and make sure you haven’t lost the things money can’t buy.

It is good to have money and the things that money can buy, but it’s good too, to check up once in a while and make sure you haven’t lost the things money can’t buy.
~George Lorimer~

Pay it forward.

You can call me sentimental. I keep the tiniest note from a friend and obviously, I blog — para balang araw, I have something to show Nathan and well, something to look back to.

This morning, Papa asked me if we can give Nathan’s old bottles sa kakilala niyang janitor sa badminton club na pinaglalaruan niya. Papa said na sobrang tuwa daw nung kakilala niya nung sinabi na baka pwede namin ibigay yung mga bote ni Nathan dahil sobrang dami nga. I think Nathan has around 20 bottles, coz the first month were all trial and error for us, trying to find the perfect bottle for him. Until we settled with Avent, and totally hindi na nagamit yung mga bote niya.

While Papa was packing the bottles, bigla kong naalala na there’s a stash of his old baby clothes on the drawer. Eh sabi ko nga, sentimental ako, I originally planned to keep all of those clothes para mapakita kay Nathan paglaki nya. But then naisip ko, mapapakita ko nga kay Nathan, ano naman yung silbi nun, for old times sake lang?

Papa said pano daw pag nagkababy na kami ulit. I said, siguro naman mas may kaya kaming bumili ng bagong damit kesa dun sa kakilala niya. And I love the feeling na at Nathan’s age, marami na syang natulungan. Remember before, inayawan ni Nathan yung gatas niya, eh nakabili na kami ng dalawang malaking cans, yun pala may mas kailangan nung gatas na yun, naibigay namin.

Aside from his clothes, binigay na rin namin yung luma niyang blanket and pillows. Dahil si Nathan naman ay blessed with a lot of blankets from his Ninangs nun binyag na.

I have yet to hear from Papa kung ano ang reaction ng friend niya sa mga hand-me-downs ni Nathan. Sana makatulong kahit papano.

Anong petsa na?

I forgot the date.

Hindi yung ordinaryong nakalimutan ko what date it was. I forgot what month! I kept thinking anong month ngayon. Kakaiba ang pakiramdam ko, it’s like I’m forcing my brain to tell me what month it is.

I wouldn’t be bothered at all kung yung araw nakalimutan ko e, kaso buwan! I was scared, bakit wala akong maalala? Bakit parang walang logic yung utak ko? Bakit ganun, ang tagal ko talaga dun sa field ng date, hindi ko maisip talaga. Sa hiya ko (dahil kaharap ko ba naman President ng SPI Systems College), tumayo ako at lumapit kay Papa, sabay tanong, “Anong buwan ngayon Papa?”

I swear at that moment, gusto kong magpunta na sa hospital at magpacheck up. Dumadalas tong episodes ko na totally naba-blank yung utak ko. One time I forgot how Nathan ended up beside me eh karga karga ko siya sa dibdib ko. Scary diba? Bakit ganun?

Sabi nila dahil sa dami daw ng operations ko at sa dami ng anesthesia na nilagay sa katawan ko kaya ganun ako kakalimutin. Pero, ewan ko. Kanina talaga, I was scared sobra dahil parang nagstop yung utak ko. I was trying to remember the last time I wrote the date, ganun yung pag-iisip ko kanina.

Should I be concerned? Is this normal? I’m trying not to overreact and Google. Hahayy.

Love You Forever

A year ago, I exchanged emails with Bob Munsch (author of my favorite book, Love you Forever). I was an ordinary fan girl then, asking if he would sign a copy of his book (if ever makakita ako dito). Instead, he told me to give him my shipping address so he can send me a signed copy of the book. Oha! Back then, my thoughts were, pag nagkababy na ko, pagmamalaki ko sa kanya na ang  book na binabasa ko ay signed copy pa. Haha!

And syempre ngayon, I can’t wait to read this to Nathan. I’ve been singing him the song since Day 1, sometimes even inventing my own tune to the song para hindi nakakasawa. Hehe. But when he gets old enough, I’m sure maeenjoy niya yung colorful pictures and stuff.

Ay. You know what? Screw waiting. Basahin ko na ngayon sa kanya. Haha!